2:37 AM

at 2:37 am on 1/23/14, I realize it’s the first post to this blog in awhile. Actually, until my discover card statement came in the mail, and the renewal was on there, I had somewhat forgotten about word press.  Abandoned along with my book writing as well.  Lost but not forgotten entirely.  I could hate on myself, but why start the day off that way?  

Sleeplessness. How I hate that twitchy lay in bed restlessness. I have been on an experiment about not getting up, and trying really hard to fall asleep.  Eye mask,breathing, counting, praying, reciting, chanting, waiting, exhaling….Tonight (last night), I just couldn’t lay there any longer.  So, now Tina is cuddled up aside my lap, happy I am my usual insomniac self.  At least the dog benefits.

I have been thinking of my mom and sister frequently again.  Maybe the two-year mark of my near death experience.  Perhaps it just being January.  This month marked 13 years since mom has been gone, and January 3 years ago was Norma’s beginning of the end.  I have had so many dreams lately, and visits from her.  It’s hard not to think about.

However, at almost 3 am, and an early morning ahead, I don’t have the luxury to delve to deep on the subject matter.  Perhaps simple acknowledgment will suffice.  I honor the memories, the visualizations, the love, and the fact that I miss them both terribly.  I acknowledge that I still have thoughts of ” why didn’t I get to stay”? I mean, I KNOW….and yet, I don’t always like it.  It’s not morose. It’s just honest.

Alright, Tina.  It was a nice 2-hour snuggle session, but I need to get lateral and try my breathing and other pre sleep rituals.  See ya in the funnies!

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