at 2:37 am on 1/23/14, I realize it’s the first post to this blog in awhile. Actually, until my discover card statement came in the mail, and the renewal was on there, I had somewhat forgotten about word press. Abandoned along with my book writing as well. Lost but not forgotten entirely. I could hate on myself, but why start the day off that way?
Sleeplessness. How I hate that twitchy lay in bed restlessness. I have been on an experiment about not getting up, and trying really hard to fall asleep. Eye mask,breathing, counting, praying, reciting, chanting, waiting, exhaling….Tonight (last night), I just couldn’t lay there any longer. So, now Tina is cuddled up aside my lap, happy I am my usual insomniac self. At least the dog benefits.
I have been thinking of my mom and sister frequently again. Maybe the two-year mark of my near death experience. Perhaps it just being January. This month marked 13 years since mom has been gone, and January 3 years ago was Norma’s beginning of the end. I have had so many dreams lately, and visits from her. It’s hard not to think about.
However, at almost 3 am, and an early morning ahead, I don’t have the luxury to delve to deep on the subject matter. Perhaps simple acknowledgment will suffice. I honor the memories, the visualizations, the love, and the fact that I miss them both terribly. I acknowledge that I still have thoughts of ” why didn’t I get to stay”? I mean, I KNOW….and yet, I don’t always like it. It’s not morose. It’s just honest.
Alright, Tina. It was a nice 2-hour snuggle session, but I need to get lateral and try my breathing and other pre sleep rituals. See ya in the funnies!