Waiting on ” That Call”

This is about parenting an addict- so, if you have that experience, you know “what call” I refer to.  It seems that most of 2014 was spent anticipating “that call”, praying for the best-preparing for the worst, lovingly detaching as a means of self preservation, going to more of my own meetings, loving the person not the disease, and all the other usual addiction jargon.

My son (as mentioned before) is 31.  He was addicted to crack by the time he was 16.  He also had a dual diagnosis, so it made it just as difficult to tell if he was psychotic or had relapsed.  He is a master at manipulation.  He can charm you, out sell you, and talks so fast and so convincingly that most people will be swayed.  I still want to believe him.

I got a call on Christmas night.  One of only three directly from him.  The rest came as “news updates” from a girlfriend.  He told me he was sober, and was really trying.  He wants to prove to himself and to me that he can be all that GOD meant for him to be, as well as a son I could be proud of.  I let him do most of the talking, and for the next 3 weeks I have been updated to the trials and tribulations that he is facing in sobriety.  The biggest obstacle is finding housing since he was in jail so many times for possession.  He has always been lucky that way.  Seems to find the revolving door in jail.  Doesn’t seem so lucky in every day life.

I truly want him to find the serenity and peacefulness of sobriety.  I want him to have some “good luck” and for things to get easier somewhere along his path.  But, I can’t make it happen.  And, money only solves money problems.  It’s a fine line in believing and trusting him again.  I got a text yesterday that he was in the E.R after having a headache so severe the last 3 days he couldn’t tolerate it anymore.  I thanked for girlfriend for keeping me posted, and asked her to update me.  Haven’t heard a word.  Just prior to the hospital, he had sounded positive and upbeat, and thought they may be approved to live somewhere other than Motel 6.  And, then off the radar.  Again.  I am left wondering and waiting.

It is sad.  It is heartbreaking at times.  We “understand” death through dying.  But, when we lose people that are still alive because of drugs, it is a slow, painful, death to endure.  I have to focus on the good memories, and I am grateful for the ones I have.  If I focus on my daughter also losing her brother, and her sadness, that often makes the grieving harder.  To know how much my son has missed out on in everyone’s life, especially the past 2-3 years combined.

Pray. Listen. Quiet.Repeat.

Why I Would Rather Try To Find The Funny Than The Meaning Of Life

I love gifts of laughter that come from the reality in life. Enjoy, and THANK you, Peg.

Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings

Sir Loin of Beef

Some look at life’s journey as a pitched battle, and some as a noble quest. Either way, a smart knight should be prepared for the dragons he or she is bound to encounter along the way. My weapon of choice is a feather duster.

It has only snowed once so far this weird winter.  I took advantage of the unlooked for boon of ice-free roads here in the country last week and went for a walk.  My mood was somber as I set off down the road, well bundled against the bracing cold.  I needed the lift that nature always gives me because I felt lower than I have felt in a long time.

I was thinking about my dear cousin, Moe. She’s experimenting with multiple chemo treatments, locked in mortal combat with the cancer that has spread despite her efforts. We recently learned that her…

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The Awe of Recovery

Oscar Wilde once wrote that “Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life.” My experience over the past 14 years in working with recovery , being in recovery, relapsing in recovery,  proves to me that there’s some truth to his observation – life is often stranger, just as interesting, just as surprising, and just as exciting as fiction.  I checked out a fellow Blog yesterday (part of BLOG 101 homework); and left a comment.  And, as @MichelleW indicated, it did make me think more.  Here is the link http:\\attheroomsproject.org

The Cat Is BACK

This cat is special.  Seriously.  I think I can convince  you why this (TRUE)  story is interesting enough to read

Hard of Hearing

i will be writing some posts specifically on being deaf in a hearing world. This was a blog i came across today and I liked.

The Ballad of Love and Hate

I’ve struggled with my hearing loss over the past few years. It has progressively gotten worse over time. I was born completely deaf in my left ear, and as of now, I have barely 50 percent hearing left in my right. And, as I’ve said, its been very hard. I struggle to keep up with simple conversation lately. I usually end up asking someone closer to me to repeat what others are saying. I’m currently re-learning sign language and I have to admit it’s pretty hard to learn at this age and I feel like kicking myself for not sticking to it when I was younger. Being the only deafie in the family, it was hard to stick with it when I was the only one learning and using it. Anyways, I guess I am just going to have to work twice as hard at this as I do everything…

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Parenting An Addict

My son is 31 and a recovering addict.  He has been an addict since the age of 15.  My jaw still drops some when I realize more than half his life WE have battled addiction.  I am a cancer survivor, and in my opinion, I almost prefer it.  Perhaps, because it is me, and not watching on the sidelines as your child self-destructs.  Perhaps….

Mother Teresa

I saw this on a blog I really admire and follow=http://thebettermanprojects.com/blog

It speaks; let us all listen

A Tribute to Mom

Why I Believe In Interacting With My Followers, Even If Some Of Them Don’t Bother To Reciprocate

Have We Had Help?

The public perception of a writer

Following on from yesterday’s blog post https://havewehadhelp.wordpress.com/2015/01/09/the-guardian-another-progress-report/ a few thoughts occurred.

First of all, while a mere thirty-nine of the three hundred and thirty four people who currently follow my blog ‘liked’ the post, even though according to my blog’s stats only twenty four actually read it, five responded, three by reblogging. Why people merely click ‘like’ without reading a post totally baffles me. But there you go – it happens not only here on my blog but on most Social Media sites, in most cases out of pure habit. Don’t think for one moment that I’m not grateful for the fact that you ‘liked’ my post – I am. But if you are going to ‘like’ any post on any Social Media site, whether its a blog like this one or Facebook etal, at least read it first, otherwise how will you know…

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Quote for ToDay

If you do not express your own original ideas, if you do not listen to your own being, you will have betrayed yourself.
–Rollo May